"Hello darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again". These are the words sung at the beginning of Simon and Garfunkle's song Sounds of Silence.
I can't really say exactly why I am so hung up lately on silence. I have noticed a restlesness within me for something different, something I can't define. I know that darkness is often associated with evil and sin, but I seem to be finding a sense of comfort sitting alone in it, listening and thinking. Asking hard questions and praying for the courage to hear the answers. I don't always like the ones that are provided. Hardest of all, is that once God answers I can no longer linger in that place of ignorance. Action is often required, but even harder, waiting is required.
My own knowledge of who I am or rather who I know myself to be, isn't really working anymore. Sometimes I feel like a fake before God. I pray, I praise, I study, I teach, but when I find myself alone with God, I struggle. Struggle to lay myself bare, to open old wounds, to feel pain so that healing can begin. And yet I can't escape the unmistakable call to come closer. So I go. I seek out silence, sometimes in the darkness, and meet Him.
3 comments:
Cathy:
Seems like we're hearing the same call. Check out the poem I wrote this morning. It's posted on my blog.
David Byrd
Good stuff Cathy - keep wrtiting! You're discovering some treasures.
Murph,
You certainly are'nt the first person to consider me wierd. My faith has certainly yielded me that title on many an occasion. Two things that I would like to clarify however:
First, I am not alone when I "sit in the dark" God is present. Naturally I am aware that I am not going to hear God's voice "physically" as you say, however I do hear him speak to my heart quite clearly on many an occasion and if honest not so clearly on others. Nonetheless, God does speak.
Second, as waiting goes, the wait that I am speaking of is not simply a physical sitting "on my ass" doing nothing. The wait to which I speak involves prayer and excercising my faith. It involves trust that God has heard me when I seek Him for answers and that even though He chooses not to respond immediately, I was heard. God doesn't ignore His children.
I would encourage you Murph, to try my "Weird habit" out for yourself. God desires to spend time with you if you let Him. At the very least you'll get a nap in.
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